1. |
What Doesn't Kill You
01:48
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What hasn't killed me made me stranger
what doesn't kill me will break me instead
the world wont wait to rip you apart
misery cut my life short
I am the one who lost everything
feeling the burn from the deadly sting
What hasn't killed me made me stranger
what doesn't kill me will break me instead
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2. |
Carefully // Caged
03:47
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Watch me as I suffocate
Medication to sooth my aches
numbs my constant fear of change
addiction is a slow decay
restless shakes bruised veins
god will i ever fucking feel safe
I fell in love with my depression
the only thing that was consistent
I hated how empty I felt but at least it kept me distant
Everything i love will slowly dissipate
everyone i know will be ripped away
what's the fucking point it's getting harder to pretend
how do escape the relativity in this?
Nothing is beautiful
Nothing is forever
that thought alone strips me of my efforts
Nothing is beautiful no nothing lasts forever
that thought alone strips me of my efforts
Maybe when i'm older I won't be so scared to die
maybe in time death won't be so fragile in my mind
I fell in love with my depression
the only thing that was consistent
I've hared how empty I've felt but at least it's kept me distant
Spite
Watch me as I suffocate
Medication to sooth my aches
numbs my constant fear of change
addiction is a slow decay
restless shakes bruised veins
god will i ever fucking feel safe
Addiction is a slow decay
Feelings of neglect feelings of regret
How the fuck could I ever forget
I'm addicted to despondency
it bleeds into everything
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3. |
Hell Is Other People
02:01
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The darkest eyes the devil's eyes
peeled back cold and dead
frail hands gripped tight around their neck
legs limp as they struggled to the end
was it me that enjoyed this
a man now a corpse on the ground laying lifeless
Dug to the soil in a coffin fucking spineless
Everyone is miserable but some can't fucking hide it
When you lose everything what else is there to lose
break someone else apart and just tear them in two
misery loves me and it knows me best
push me off the deep end and bring me death
the hand I extend is putting you to rest
I hope if you survive it
that nobody spares you any kindness
I hope you break under your vices
and I hope you fucking hurt just like I did
Eat shit
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4. |
Carve
03:35
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I break beneath my grief
I hate the fact that I know my tragedy's my masterpiece
harbored my aggression till it broke loose
now a feeling that I can't lose
I watched the razor hit the floor
blood in the bathroom sink
nothing felt forced
I saw the lines on her wrists
and up her arms another victim to self harm
Like starring at my reflection her face said it all
I knew to keep a steady hand to remain calm
my attempts never went like this
now i'm here at the other end
someone you'd never expect wanting themselves dead
When you tried to kill your demons you hurt yourself instead
a collection of your failures compiled in a vignette
When I tried to kill my demons I hurt myself instead
a collection of my failures compiled in a vignette
Red on white hospitalized for the night
only hopelessness filled your eyes
to see you like that killed me inside
When you tried to kill your demons you hurt yourself instead
a collection of your failures compiled in a vignette
When I tried to kill my demons I hurt myself instead
a collection of my failures compiled in a vignette
Behind the wheel I stilled in shock
those damages I couldn't mend it's like time stopped
I closed my eyes as anxiety washed away
it all built up to this then crashed right into me
What else could I do
What the fuck else
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5. |
Pull From The Hurt
02:50
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an unfulfilling sadness pollutes my tired soul
I don’t know who I am anymore, sick of feeling so low
I flirt with suicide maybe it’ll kill my pain
does anybody ache like I ache?
Lifeless I lay burning at the stake
Pull from the hurt
retake control
why’s it so hard to fucking feel whole?
Pull from the hurt
retake control
Why is it so hard to let go?
I wish I could kill off my mind
I wish I could kill off my mind
I wish I could kill off my mind
But every time I try I find myself back at the bottom
I'm sick of burdening others with all my problems
bruises and contusions
Grandeur delusion
I'd beat myself to death if it were an appropriate solution
i’m strangled beneath my doubt
Hope I fucking choke
I flirt with suicide maybe it’ll kill my pain
does anybody ache like I ache?
Lifeless I lay burning at the stake
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6. |
Anger // Set
02:57
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Jaded and drained, hollow and chained
to loss and heartbreak, i’m not the same
we hurt ourselves on the outside
to snuff what constantly kills us on the inside
i'm still stuck in this rut
existing in that in between
wishing I wasn't so empty
coming apart from the seams
Everything gets so tedious, it always feels the same,
the older I get the lower I sink and I don't think that'll change
so tired of wasting my efforts, attempting to blend in
I don’t belong here and maybe I never did
Does growing up have to feel like this
Will I ever get back what I missed ?
self medicate to help me forget, I've made my bed and I'll die in it
I shouldn’t have worn my heart on my sleeve
I shouldn’t have kept you so close to me
I just need space
anger takes shape
You’re a memory I wish I could erase
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7. |
Intoxication
02:57
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I'm just drunk it's not love right
not in the right mind and i'll hide behind
intoxication i'll drink my emotions down
instead of feeling something
maybe it'll hurt less
I know I made a mistake
but still I wish you the best
I don’t know what i’d choose
the fear of losing everything or having nothing to lose
because either way I always feel the heart break
One way or another I’ll be your mistake
I'm just drunk it's not love right
not in the right mind and i'll hide behind
intoxication i'll drink my emotions down
instead of feeling something
maybe it'll hurt less
I know I made a mistake
but still I wish you the best
I remember that blank expression, you always gave
I think I adapted that trait, separation emotionless face
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8. |
Hostage
03:02
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Eyes heavy, I haven’t been sleeping
bloodshot from staring straight at my ceiling
Thoughts ripping me to pieces, i’m speechless
i keep latching onto temporary happiness
even if it’s for a night, that’s one less i’ll spend
overwhelmed & stress again
Fixating on things I can’t control
like god damn tunnel vision
burdening this weight alone
There’s nothing left to feed on
capillaries have ran dry, blood leaking out of my mind
Toxicity & I we intetwine,
No last words, put me in the dirt
I don’t wanna feel, I don’t wanna hurt
No last words, put me in the dirt
six feet is what I deserve
It’s funny isn’t it? working towards the imminent
Really wish I never fucking pissed away my innocence,
Another year slipping through my hands
Growing old is a hell I can’t stand
We all end up with nothing and that's the deadly sting
inevitable and crushing look what it's made me
no last words put me in the dirt
I don't wanna feel I don't wanna hurt
Six feet is what I deserve
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9. |
Stab // Twist
02:54
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Murder on my mind
Stranger to myself
nurse me back to health
before I hurt someone else
Anxiety swells my lungs
Not to quick to bite my tongue
a trouble soul
getting fucked up untll their numb
falling in love beautiful yet so bittersweet
its Hell without relief, we grew apart so seamlessly
Alone together, From few & far between
was a product of your misery & you were the death of me
You were the death of me
Will I ever be enough?
You were the death of me
Was I ever someone that you loved?
How do you trust your feelings when they disappear so quickly
the value of a moment is now just a memory
Fumigate my throat, fill me with formaldehyde
bury me in toxins to rip up my fucking insides
Murder on my mind
Stranger to myself
nurse me back to health
before I hurt someone else
Anxiety swells my lungs
Not to quick to bite my tongue
a trouble soul
getting fucked up untll their numb
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10. |
Miserable In Mourning
02:36
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This empty feeling I feed
you’re nothing more than a leech
I’ll play the part of a monster if that’s what you need
a bird on broken wings, strangled till I couldn’t sing
I’ll be the fucking devil if that’s who you need me to be
I can't sweat this fever out
i'm desperate for attention
begging to be someone else
I swear i'm the new cancer
Still feeling sorry for myself
I can never sweat it out
still feeling sorry for myself
This empty feeling I feed
you’re nothing more than a leech
I’ll play the part of a monster if that’s what you need
a bird on broken wings, strangled till I couldn’t sing
I’ll be the fucking devil if that’s who you need me to be
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11. |
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I’m not a saint
i’m not a savior
I’m far from perfect
closer to a failure
I’m not who you want me to be
I don’t know what you expect out of me
i’m not a saint
i’m not a savior
I’m far from perfect
Pressure it feeds my doubt
and it's all becoming too much
losing my patience caged by my anger
I’ve been gone for quite some time
hanging over this hole in my heart
you left me wounded & unlovable
why was your company insufferable?
Losing you wasn’t the hard part
It was knowing it can not be undone
I compare everyone to you
Love is just a feeling that made me feel used
Made me feel used
I’m coping even without closure
As I sink lower than before
I guess i’m hanging on
but I don’t love you anymore
I’m coping without closer
and i’m lower than before
I guess i’m hanging on
but I can't love you anymore
Closed myself off so I can attempt to heal
I still ask, was it ever real? was it ever real?
Nurse my wound, dress my self esteem
Stitch my shame, i’m left unclean
Don’t ever ask me to stay again
No longer will I be broken at your expense
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12. |
Numb The Ache
02:49
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Time neglects these wounds that need addressing
Harbors any attempt at slow progression
How do I keep a restraint on my aggression?
Cause i’ve grown tired of suppressing the way that I feel
Kill the ache
ease the pain
level the blade
free my mistakes
Take me away
Regressing fast is a slow defeat
this illness killing off the better parts of me
Bound by my medications
They keep me alive
In a world run by greed
Can I afford to live?
Will i get by?
Will i get by?
Thousands to keep me breathing
Zero to just let me die
When I was younger, that’s when I truly lived,
I can’t help but to fall back on the memories, how they all faded and now that part just feels dead to me, I know i’m fighting a losing battle that never really seemed to belong to me
Kill the ache
ease the pain
level the blade
free my mistakes
Take me away
Only 23, but half my life is spent
if you’re not rich in health
You may as well be dead
nobody tells you there’s no room for the diseased
collapsing beneath a world run by greed
you’ve taken everything
Why let me be free?
Struggle in silence, I can’t be seen
Thousands to keep me breathing
Zero to just let me die
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13. |
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I stir awake at night, stuttering to speak the words
of a feeling I can no longer find
All the pain that i'm holding on
Self inflict for a bit like it makes me strong
Am I wrong? not enough for your love
I used to crave attention
now i’ve grown used to loneliness
Cause I can’t break my own heart
& I refuse to let you do it again
My dichotomy sits between happiness & suffering
this illness enervates my cheeks, drains them of their coloring
sometimes I bloom & then I wither
My lungs collapse pneumonia it blisters
All I ever wanted was reprieve from these aches
from feeling drained, from the sadness I can’t satiate
What’s left of us? Can you answer with honesty?
I resent you too much for you to be happy with me
I’m hanging on the truth, it’s at the tip of my tongue
I tried to feel something, but i’ve just grown numb
I fear to hurt again, i’m afraid to let you in
I lost myself that first time and I haven’t been the same since
Am I a fool for you? or have I just been comfortable with abuse?
I’m a hostage in my head
Cut so deep from the words you've said
I can't find relief
searching for reprieve
Am I a fool for you? or have I just been comfortable with abuse?
I can't find relief
searching for reprieve
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VCTMS recommends:
Take a listen to see why
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Take a listen to see why
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Take a listen to see why
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Lifeblood
by Brand of Sacrifice
supported by 18 fans who also own “Vol. 4 Numb The Ache”
I am more a melodeath guy than deathcore, but I enjoy all the symphonic elements or rythym changes. This album is a BLAST omg my neck hurt, so much headbang🤘🤘
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featured on Bandcamp Radio Jun 23, 2023
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