Vol. II Inside The Mind

by VCTMS

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1.
My head is a prison that nobody visits i’m stuck in this hell and I can’t find an exit I wish things were different I wish I could help it stress keeps building I can’t fucking fix this I'm a victim to my own mind anxious all the damn time not too far from the edge i'm hanging by a fine line i'm a stranger in my own skin unhinged emotions what's it like to feel real? I've lost it again I’m obsessed with doing the wrong thing I never learn from my mistakes, it’s a routine i’ll always be second best, it’s something that I learned to live with I am a train wreck I guess I am who I am I don’t expect you to understand I can’t move on I can’t progress Stuck in a standstill, i’m here stagnant Relapsing on the aftermath of the old me my old ways composed of demon limbs and a rope swing can't snap out of it this the reality of a lost mind with a destructive personality useless and irrelevant worthless and incompetent intolerable and belligerent I can't even make sense of it i'm sick of everything (i'm sick sick sick of everything) i'm sick of everything x2
2.
De/tached 02:54
Hollow, i'm dead behind the eyes Barely breathing, i'm hardly alive My pain is constant, i'm addicted to the hurt Set aside my emotions, they never come first Should I get my hopes up? Should I not? Sometimes the doubt in my mind is all that I've got I always think the worst, jumping to conclusions I can’t help, but to expect disappointment I want to turn it all off, I wish I didn’t feel at all Welcome in what gets under my skin and I know it’s all my fault Fuck my flaws I know that this is all wrong condescend my confidence and I can’t help that i’m a walking contradiction Downing my prescriptions, undermining my condition So what? i'm sick, deluded, nothing but a burden to my family, my friends, i'm not a good person And I can’t say that I fit in And I can’t say that I do anything right And I can’t say that i’m doing fine x2 Hollow, i'm dead behind the eyes Barely breathing, i'm hardly alive My pain is constant, i'm addicted to the hurt Set aside my emotions, they never come first
3.
Subdued 02:58
The last thing that went through my head was a bullet I carved your name in and I didn’t get into heaven but I thought i’d let you know I wish I never let you in Love oh we’ll never have enough, the insubstantial feeling that sustains you like a drug Love, yeah it’s never enough it’s the chaos that controls you, and goes off like a loaded gun Damaged goods, but still one of a kind Deception lies within deceit you’re poison that resides inside my mind, I think about it all the time How i’m mentally destroyed, I deserved that right? Getting use to the abuse, I can never be the same Will you ever understand what you took away? Love, something that I thought I could trust but I guess i’m the one that wasn’t enough it just doesn’t make sense the people closest to you Hurt you in ways you never thought that they would do someone you thought you knew, someone you put your faith into Become nothing more than a toxic presence that filled the room A stranger now like everyone else that took a piece of me just for there self another person comfortable with wearing me out I never gained the strength to just move on, why couldn’t I just walk out? Settle for less, second best something I should of expected Settle for less, settle for less Salt in the wound, i’m such a mess Settle for less, second best Oh look who guessed it Settle for less, one last request Tell me you love me, then rip my heart out of my chest
4.
Inability to cope with life effectively can’t pinpoint why I’m worrying excessively Overthinking was the death of me, mentally checked out and forgotten all about rationality Nothing makes sense in my head anymore It’s all flooded with guilt and remorse even with the most honorable intentions, I always seem to make a shitty impression I have a love hate relationship with everything Conflicted with the way I feel it’s unsettling Feeling like dirt, feeling like that’s more then i’m worth Feeling like this life’s even more then I deserve Bitter relief bitter relief rid me of this unease Bitter relief bitter relief tell me that it gets easy x2 The carousel never stops Exhaustion clings onto every bone i’ve got I’m too damaged to love, too broken to care Emptiness is all that’s there x2 I have a love hate relationship with everything Conflicted with the way I feel it’s unsettling Feeling like dirt, feeling like that’s more then i’m worth Feeling like this life’s even more then I deserve laughing* OH
5.
Bury me in the deep six deep breaths let it set in tear my mind into pieces just let me fall apart Bury me in the deep six deep breaths let it set in tear my mind into pieces watch me fall apart clawing out, I can feel it on my finger tips Let me inflict pain on others just like you did We all suffer, in one way or another and I know that I haven't really recovered Rotting from the inside out Still torn from all the ways that you let me down again and again i’m sick and tired of it and how your so fond of abandonment Darkness my dear old friend What welcomes you here again x2 Bury me in the deep six deep breaths let it set in tear my mind into pieces just let me fall apart Bury me in the deep six deep breaths let it set in tear my mind into pieces watch me fall apart i’m displaced in these moments cemented in time Trying to find beauty behind these hollow eyes I don’t know what I want anymore or what i’m looking for Nothing helps, not even when the high takes it’s course Even when the high takes it’s course I’m still torn from all the fucked up things i’ve felt before No expression, just going through the motions I dance with death just to keep my relevance Cut through cut through Cut through cut through erase all the things I do Bury me in the deep six deep breaths let it set in tear my mind into pieces just let me fall apart Bury me in the deep six watch me fall apart
6.
I don’t understand anybody and nobody will ever understand me and i’m tired of trying to explain myself because I don’t see the point anymore My feelings have escaped me and I’ve come to terms that i’ll never amount to anything All the effort I put forth is always for nothing So fuck it, Chorus: Here’s to giving in and giving up hating who you’ve become x2 I hate that I don’t belong I hate that i’m just strung along and I hate that I care for those who don’t care at all I’m the one they all know and loathe it’s not fair but that’s just how life goes x2 Here’s to giving in and to giving up and never being good enough to anyone I don't understand anybody and nobody will ever understand me I’m the one they all know and loathe it’s not fair but that’s just how life goes x2 I’m the one they all know and loathe and I hate that it’s all i’ll ever know i’m always gonna be the odd man out Three cheers for feeling sorry for our fucking selves
7.
Incomplete, you completed me but who am I kidding in reality you ruined me I miss my innocence, wish I could fix this gone beyond repair, desperations all that’s there incomplete, you completed me but who am i kidding in reality you ruined me incomplete you completed me OH I still think of you often, even if you left me here to rot and i’m trembling caught up in the worst days, I forget why i’m here in the first place I’m trembling caught up in the worst days, I forgot why I even fucking chose to stay I’m in pieces, I can’t keep myself together, so i’ll forget about myself, why should I make an effort? I’m coming undone, use me as you will pull my strings, until my self esteem rebuilds The guilt the guilt oh I know the drill i’ll apologize for everything until time stands still until time stands still, use me as you will I still think of you often, even if you left me here to rot and i’m trembling caught up in the worst days, I forget why i’m here in the first place I’m trembling caught up in the worst days, I forgot why I even fucking chose to stay Scathing takes shape in my brain, fathoming the senseless and the insane With all that takes place rationality doesn’t feel the same Psychotic break desperation is all that I know Holding on to hoping I can eventually let go I’m stressing over all the things I can’t control Bending over backwards attempting to feel whole My mind is wandering off tonight, my thoughts they decompose This vacancy too comfortable for me to let go
8.
I’ve about had it with my antics overdramatic, and manic i’m unbalanced Bitter romantic and problematic might as well kill me while you’re at it Defeated and hopeless I’m sure most of you know this Sedate me maybe then I won’t feel so empty regressing to cope so that I can feel something Defeated and hopeless Tragedy at your service Anxiety and anger you make me nervous Come without warning and then leave when you feel like it Killing my mood, killed off the smile please why won’t you take me away for awhile I can’t resist, this helpless bliss mental demons hard to dismiss Flirting with disaster, a still born bastard I don't matter with nothing to show, a loser, a head case, with a headspace still sinking below Still sinking below i’m sinking below sinking alone I wanna be somebody else sinking below, replace me this mess i am I wanna be somebody else I wanna feel something inside me rebuilding I wanna be somebody else I wanna feel something other than guilt Am I gone? I can’t tell Doing all that I can to lose myself Mental demons hard to dismiss troubled senses we coexist It’s raining it’s pouring, the reaper is calling and here I am still drowning Needles and pins // Needles and pins Insecurity builds, overthinking begins Tell me when all of this ends Dealing the devil’s hand again
9.
Loss loss it’s all we’ve got convince me you’re sorry when I know that you’re not Damage is delt, life loses it’s cause The will to move on comes at a cost it comes at a cost life comes at a cost Loss loss it’s all we’ve got convince me you’re sorry when I know that you’re not those moments spent just between me and you We both know they’ll never lose their value I always fixate on things I can’t change I’ve been stuck in the past for quite some time Eternal sunshine of this spotless mind Splitting my brain to pass the time Wiping the slate clean, lobotomy will this fix me? I always fixate on things I can’t change I’ve been stuck in the past for quite some time I remember the days when life was easy now those days are just a feeling that is slipping away, it hurts to just hold on The people you love now the people you miss all you can do is reminisce as sadness is revisited it’s ironic isn’t it Loss loss loss loss loss loss it’s all we’ve got convince me you’re sorry when I know that you’re not the Damage is delt x4
10.
Take me, make me feel nothing Take me, here I lay empty Mr. Sandman, still sick of being alone My uncontrolled emotions still the only thing that makes me feel at home Without you, I'm miserable at best A chronic liar, a has been that won't give it a rest Take me, make me feel nothing Take me, here I lay empty Mr. Sandman, what don't I know? Still at rockbottom with nowhere to go I'm hitting the bottle, I'm cutting it close Transparent and reckless, you know how this goes Please oh please can this be something else Take me, Make me feel like nothing Mr. Sandman, please please end my dream Rid me from this wishful thinking Wash away this empty feeling Held my breath untill I couldn't breathe Sewed my eyes shut and now I can't see Cut my circulation until for years I've been numb Pulled the trigger back and then I became someone! Make me complete, yeah make me complete The reaper reeled me in and I tried so hard to drown him out but my sins seeped through my skin And sitting here wondering Will you save me from this hell I am in? Take me, Make me feel like nothing Mr. Sandman, please please end my dream Take me here I lay empty, my thoughts are always so tempting.
11.
Anesthetic 03:11
Time stands still while all our days fade Watch life pass you by I bet your heart breaks and you tell me that you’re okay? Heart overshadowed by greed and disdain i’ll forever pity the living putting faith into a world that’s less then giving you and me, we don’t mean anything The good die young cause pain just leads to suffering x2 I’m suffocating with every breath wishing that every moment wasn’t spent Hoping that one day I can be that person again Instead of turning into everything i’m against I’m contorted overwhelmed by guilt and grief One by one my friends becoming one with the deceased Numb to the feeling, of losing everything Pain is all I feel, please take away this suffering Death take me x3 Someone you once knew lifeless, buried down deep below in a casket Asking yourself what happened another tragic accident Anesthesia I need you Save me from this mental abuse Save me from all the time i’ll spend thinking of you Put me to sleep I never wanna wake up Let me take your place sow my eyes shut I’ll never be at peace Just leave me to grieve I know i’ll spend the rest of my days feeling this unease
12.
I had nowhere to go felt lost and alone abandoned I gave up my effort of having control struggling to breathe the crippling disease took everything I had right under my feet I drowned in the sadness was buried in stress thought a world without me would probably be best and I thrived on the hate I hate for myself that I had for myself Hanging around my throat bringing my down to lunacy depression slipping through the seams x2 I don't know when or how this happened always feeling trapped and stagnant I guess I got sick of all the distractions couldn't get used to the old me absence and i've faced facts i'm doomed to finish last hope for myself and everyone else is fading fast I used to think differently I used to be someone else I used to be vibrant before I lost myself i'm out of touch seeing through a new pair of eyes still continuing to live feeling dead inside these are the things I keep buried deep a downward spiral that isn't meant to be seen a burden only meant for me, the struggle that unravels underneath hold my breath and count to 10 i've lost myself in you again let you go at my expense i've lost the words to say now that you've gone away
13.
Sickness worked its way in Keep praying to these demons within I always give in, in hell I dwell Born into misery, it loves my company Resentment it knows me best, give into it so easily (it’s) a feeling I can’t repress Constricted lungs and a lurching gut Latching onto this vacancy it's become my crutch You can say i’m still built on mistakes, day by day still swallowing more than I can take and Misery my one and only company, I guess i’m lucky someone still loves me You can say i’m still built on mistakes, day by day still swallowing more than I can take Sickness worked its way in i’m right back to where I began Praying to these demons within I hate that they always win Bad days and disappointment all that’s become relevant time is moving on and I just can’t keep up with it I’m a nobody i’m nothing special I second guess myself i’m overwhelmed by the pressure Trapped in this place of uncertainty here I am empty and everything in between Sedate this feeling that’s wasting me away Absence of light, i’m losing faith Unwanted and still unloved i’ll always be convinced that i’m not good enough All the days are starting to feel the same and i’m afraid this is something that i’ll never shake I’m continuing to split at the seams All I have is emptiness and everything in between I've been wondering where i've been i've been wondering where I went to we all hide behind a mask behind closed doors you've seen what I am and in my time alone i've come to find forever a victim to my own mind we are victims to our own minds

about

Track listing

1. Sick // Tired Ft. Devin MacGillivray Of Yuth Forever
2. De/tached
3. Subdued
4. Demon // Limbs
5. Bitter // Relief Ft. Jay Webster Of Unity Tx
6. Know & loathe
7. The Relapse Process Ft. Darius Tehrani Of Spite
8. Death Perception Ft. John C. Robert Of The Last Ten Seconds Of Life & Cade Armstrong
9. Separation // Sickness Ft. Hunter Young Of Culture Killer
10. I’m thinking of you all the while
11. Anesthetic
12. Strange // Sadness
13. Emptiness and Everything In Between

credits

released March 17, 2017

Tracked /Mixed / Mastered / Produced By Sam Bottner & Erik Stacy of Darklord Recordings

Special shoutouts to:
Greg & Sam Of Chugcore, Parin Cashmoney, Ben Hoagland, Jason Frazier, Dylan Gould, Connor Of Chugcore, and all our homies that have been spreading the word

All music was written by

John matalone
Meredith Henderson
Anthony Williams
Abe Regalado

ALL LYRIC CONTENT WAS WRITTEN BY MEREDITH HENDERSON

license

all rights reserved

tags

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