I stir awake at night, stuttering to speak the words 
of a feeling I can no longer find 
All the pain that i'm holding on 
Self inflict for a bit like it makes me strong 
Am I wrong?  not enough for your love 


I used to crave attention
 now i’ve grown used to loneliness 
Cause I can’t break my own heart 
& I refuse to let you do it again
My dichotomy sits between happiness & suffering 
this illness enervates my cheeks, drains them of their coloring 


sometimes I bloom & then I wither 
My lungs collapse pneumonia it blisters
All I ever wanted was reprieve from these aches 
from feeling drained, from the sadness I can’t satiate 


What’s left of us? Can you answer with honesty? 
 I resent you too much for you to be happy with me
I’m hanging on the truth, it’s at the tip of my tongue
I tried to feel something, but i’ve just grown numb 


I fear to hurt again, i’m afraid to let you in 
I lost myself that first time and I haven’t been the same since
Am I a fool for you? or have I just been comfortable with abuse? 
 
I’m a hostage in my head
Cut so deep from the words you've said 
I can't find relief 
searching for reprieve 



Am I a fool for you? or have I just been comfortable with abuse? 
I can't find relief 

searching for reprieve